In 2006 my marriage ended. I remember driving away from our home with a truck and trailer loaded to overflowing and thinking I was never going to do that again until I checked out the other side of things.
I’d hid so much of myself for so very long that it was pretty darn scary to find my way out of that box. One of the first places I ventured to almost immediately was a website for kinky people. I used to frequent the chat rooms there and then eventually the forums. I was like a sponge just soaking up information and trying to figure out who the real me was. I’d finally come to terms with the fact that I was a submissive woman with a love for service. I also knew early on monogamy didn’t feel right for me. After all, I’d just attempted 17 years of it and always felt if something was missing.
Beyond that I knew nothing. The first time someone asked if I was a masochist, I laughed. Me? You’ve got to be kidding. Funny how things change. By this point I had jumped into the deep end. I think it was more like a cannonball of epic proportions while giving the finger to anyone who tried to get in my way. After all, a “fuck you” is entirely legitimate in that case .
As I muddled through, having fun and learning a shit ton of stuff about myself and this new world around me I ran across postings by Kyra. At the time she was still living in Florida and had begun her relationship with our Knight the year before. It was late 2006 and I couldn’t read enough of her posts and so began to stalk our Knight’s writings as well. Yep, just call me Stalkerella because if the glass slipper fits…
All these years later I only have vague impressions of what all the actual posts contained, but I know exactly how reading them made me feel. I had hope that there was really this fabulous stuff going on out there and that one day it might even be available to someone like myself.
Those people were loving one another unconditionally while being able to maintain a power dynamic relationship and there was no daily drama in their posts. You read that right. The no drama part really stuck out for me and still does. I was reading about people who supported one another not only with forever in mind, but long distance as well. I read about those struggles, about the getting used to giving everything that is you… secrets, emotions, perceived flaws, all of it… over to another and actually trusting in that. Blew my fucking mind!
I remember reading a posts about Kyra moving to be with Alandra and our Knight and crying because she’d finally made it. Over the years I’ve read about the ups and downs they were kind enough to share. An ex female partner and I used to read posts and writings made by them and wish to be flies on the wall for the wondering of what it actually looked like.
I knew it was good because not only did their relationship stand the test of time, but Alandra and Kyra always seemed happy even when they were dealing with something. His writings spoke of his thought processes on being the Lord of his ladies and Kyra’s posts often explained how that translated to them as being his. Even when I was green with envy, which was just about every damn time I read a post… what can I say, I look good in green, I wished for lots of laughter and an unfathomable amount of love for their family. Some might ask why and for me the answer is very simple, reading about them taught me things and gave me hope for myself. Both huge for me during that point in my life.
I think that’s it for now. Just a peek into how they first entered my life and the impact it had on me. I can’t wait to share Kyra’s stories with you all!