Sometimes there is a story retelling just doesn’t work for. This just happens to be one of those and so, instead of getting this one from my point of view, it’ll come straight from our Knight. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we have.
‘I will share you ’, those words can still fill me with confusion and shock even after first hearing them years ago. Alandra and I were practicing communication skills we had learned from the marriage preparation course we were attending. We sat in this fast food joint one evening and talked. Sharing thoughts and feeling with each other as we practiced those skills. The goal was to understand and feel understood. The topics started out simple and even fun. But they steadily increased in seriousness and importance as we began to consider our future together and what that would look like.
It went really well until she spoke those words. I couldn`t understand and she couldn`t feel understood. How can a conservative catholic guy ever understand such a radical life than the one he grew up imagining and was taught? But the seeds were planted that day and what they would grow into was unimaginable for me at that time.
In the coming weeks and months those words would play at my mind and groin quite frankly. I was a very horny young man in those days. But I was also very pragmatic and cautious as well. Alandra was the first women that I had sex with and the first person that I fell in love with as well. We talked about those words and what they meant. Those conversations would carry on for years. She never brought the subject up but I could tell she enjoyed it when I did. She had a yearning for something I couldn`t understand and even today seems elusive at times.
In the beginning those words came to be understood by me from a sexual perspective. I couldn`t really wrap my brain around the emotional sharing that was in my future. We played a lot of sexual role playing in those early years. It started out as some imagined person I was having sex with and then evolved into people we saw or knew that I found sexually attractive. It was safe and a little naughty. We loved naughty.
We had been together ten years before I was ready to take this fantasy and dream out of the bedroom. The discussions became more frequent and in greater detail. Still being a pragmatic person I wanted to have focused steps towards taking this fantasy and making it real. Fortunately, the internet in its infancy started to open avenues to make connections and learn things. There was also the BBS (Bulletin Board Systems) that was much more useful in those beginning days for alternative lifestyles. These things made it easier to grow my own understanding of what those words would come to mean. It was also in these first tentative steps that everything changed.
Years ago on my birthday there was a gathering of people who had a desire for alternative sexual experiences or relationships. What made it more incredible was that this gathering was at a local pub that was only a few blocks from where we lived at the time. Alandra and I went out to a Mexican restaurant to enjoy supper and then went to this gathering afterwards. There was a long group of tables were we sat at one end and to the other end was this very cute redhead, Donna.
I never talked to her that night but I sure enjoyed watching her. Her and I ended up connecting on line and did a lot of chatting in the following months. I was definitely smitten by her and a lot of lust too. She was pretty careful herself and wanted to be sure Alandra was ok with the interactions. Alandra ended up going to her home one time and spending an enjoyable visit. I don’t really know what they talked about but it must have been very reassuring. For it wasn’t long afterwards that Donna and I had our first date while Alandra baby sat her young baby. After supper, Donna and I picked up her child and I spent the night with her.
We went on a few more dates after that. It was always incredible and it was obvious to Alandra that I was falling in love. I still remember when Alandra pointed it out to me and how I became immediately concerned. I couldn’t deny what I felt for Donna but I immediately thought I had put our marriage at risk. In fact it was very much the opposite. It was in this time that I started to understand what those words meant to Alandra. Equally important, I started on a path to understand what I wanted in the world of Polyamory.