Non Physical Intimacy

Conversation recently involved my Knight and I both talking about how in the past we had decided not to venture into long distance again. Funnily enough, here we are doing long distance from different countries.

While camping recently I reread one of my favorite books, Faithfully Religionless by Timber Hawkeye. In chapter 16 he talks about how for over five years he abstained from any physical contact more than a handshake. He goes on to say…

“The unexpected side effect of this experiment was that it forced me to redefine intimacy in non-physical terms: to be intimate without so much as a simple hug at my disposal.”

That single sentence is very intriguing to me. Being two very tactile people with high sex drives one would think long distance might be a complete disaster from day one and yet, it isn’t.

Being that our relationship didn’t start on a physical level as have my past ones, it is no surprise to me this feels different and I expect the quoted sentence above is the reason why. We started out with the need to redefine intimacy. For him, it had been done once before, and successfully. He knew what was needed and also knew how hard it was. For me, it is a mostly new experience. One I needed a leap of faith to start and trust to move forward each step. My trust came in his knowledge and a keen desire to get to know the three of them on a deeper level and see where it was to go. I am sure glad I was able to take that leap of faith.

I’m actually also glad we were not in close proximity to start.(Yes, please do feel free to remind me I said that at a later time when I am moaning and bitching about the distance between us.)

The distance gave us time to get to know one another on a deeper level than merely hands and flesh. It forced new ways of non physical intimacy that we might not have taken the time for otherwise. It’s nice to know we have that. It is calming to know we will still be compatible in the far future during a time in our lives when physicality might be something our desire for has waned.

When together we spend a lot of time touching and being close. While nice, it doesn’t change the fact that we spend a lot of time touching while separate. We just “touch” in different ways. This type of touch can be mental, emotional and even spiritual. We use our senses differently. It brings about a keen awareness of things like tone of voice and body language. He is much better on picking up on those things than I am. I mostly rely on the spoken word and the sense of energy I feel inside when we interact. It’s amazing what you see when you really, really look vs relying on the feel of body parts.

I look forward to the next time we get to occupy the same space, but it doesn’t detract in the least from the fact that I look just as forward to our next conversation, whether it be serious or funny. I look forward to the pictures we all share daily and the good mornings and sleep wells. The I love yous come in every possible way imaginable and are just as tangible as the touch of a finger. The delivery system doesn’t mean nearly as much as the intimacy behind the words and actions and for us that intimacy is often non-physical. I’m happy we took the time to check out the possibilities instead of allowing something like distance to stop the flow of this beautiful energy the four of us share.


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