Maggie– To Be a Mist Girl

For me being a Mist girl means family. I am only a small piece of a much larger picture. It means inclusion in a way I believe I have only really seen the surface of. I like knowing I am part of a loving village.

Being a Mist girl means to me that I am not only allowed to be me, but I am expected to be me. I can feel free to open up, to share my emotions and to feel safe. Not necessarily safe from the world, safe from illness and death or that type of stuff, but safe in who I am. I am learning I can be safe in the knowledge that my flaws do not define me, they merely exist as a part of me.

To be a Mist girl means I have a loving and consistent leader to turn to as well as two other partners who are willing to help. It also means I have three people to love and support.

It means I can submit and obey and not be thought less of for it. It means the core of who I am is valued as are my feelings and opinions. It means I will be talked to straight and know clearly what is expected of me.

It means I can joke and play around and genuinely have fun in an otherwise too straight world. It is knowing I am not broken even if some of my pieces no longer fit together perfectly. There is an awareness of self as a Mist girl in that I desire to always do my absolute best yet a knowledge that when I fail at it I will have the ability to own up to my mistakes and the support I need to become successful.

There is a thankfulness that I am not always the priority. I feel blessed to be part of a family who understand how priorities constantly shift and change. Today it may be one of us and tomorrow it may be a child, grandchild, dog, cat, horse or chicken. In my mind this is such a big part of what it is all about… the village.

To be a Mist girl means I can be strong and independent and still follow his rules with willing pleasure. It means I have trust so that when the time comes that I cannot follow with willing pleasure I may at least be able to do so with some semblance of grace. It is remembering to tell him where I am and learning to ask for things I want or need. It is shedding the control I’ve held tightly to over my own life and striving to feel more comfortable in this same, but somewhat new to me, skin. It is learning about the three of them and myself and how we are together. It is finding non physical ways of intimacy and cringing most times I try to be more emotionally transparent. It is letting go, not listening to the old, negative tapes my head likes to use to fuck with me.

Being a Mist girl means I care more than I ever wanted to care again. It means I gave up trying not to love and instead found three to share that part of myself with. I think most of all though, being a Mist girl to me has become part of the happiness I carry within myself because of these things, because I don’t have to hide who I am anymore, because I know I can talk about anything even though I am aware I often don’t. It reminds me daily there is no end to my journey, only growth within it… growth with you three.

It means we are one.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s