When I was a firefighter we would evaluate someone’s alertness and orientation based on a few simple questions, Person. Place. Time and Event. So if they knew who they were, where they were, the time/date and what took place that brought us there they would be evaluated as alert and oriented x 4.
As usual, this concept got me thinking about things that have absolutely nothing to do with EMS or healthcare. Sorry, my brain wires tend to be all jumbled up most days. It’s just how I roll. The topic started me thinking about power dynamic relationships and M/s. It’s kind of funny actually. We’re almost to the year mark of my belonging to our Knight. March 1st will mark the year point where I stepped over the threshold as his slave. Relationship wise, it has been a smooth and comfortable year. I don’t think I’ve ever had a relationship where the first year wasn’t full of overwhelming emotion I now know had very little to do with love.
So I find it kind of amusing when I am asked about being a slave. It still sort of trips me. Until our Knight, I had never attached the label of slave to myself. And I guess in some ways the actual label still means very little to me and here is why. Because I am just being me and responding to our Knight in a way that feels authentic. So while I understand the label, agree that as to our definition of slave I am such, I don’t feel as though I need to defend it or otherwise. I’m a Mist and so it just is.
As so, I get a bit confused when I read about full time authority transfer relationships that get stuck. The folks involved are sort of trapped somewhere in fantasy land and can’t figure out how to get out into the real world of 24/7 M/s or whatever label they prefer. The first folly is believing a title or the term 24/7 means you’re going to be aroused all the time. It actually only has as much to do with sex as any run of the mill relationship does, because life still fucking happens. Bringing reality in the land of fantasy doesn’t mean you just turn sexy play time into an ongoing day to day scene. I can’t even imagine how exhausting that would be to attempt. It’s not about being “on” or following specific parameters and flipping the slave switch for down time. That’s actually the whole damned point. There is no off and on because it isn’t all about orgasms and protocol although it’s awesome when those are part of the whole. It’s about being your authentic self, about the internal joy found in service even when the task is something you don’t particularly care to do in that moment.
For me it’s about being Oriented X4
Oriented X1(Person)… It means I am doing this because I am oriented to who I am, not because I have on a sexy outfit or leather or whatever. I am bringing my whole self to the table and offering it all up in order to have a healthy, happy and full relationship.
Oriented X2(Place)… It means I am his slave, follow his rules, work to understand his preferences so I can make powerful and good decisions when it is required of me, no matter the place I occupy. Whether I am sitting on the couch in my jammies writing this blog post or on the sales floor organizing my team at work, I am still his.
Oriented X3(Date/Time)… This means I am his all the time. There is no flipping of the switch for specific talks. There is no down time. We don’t turn it off. We don’t have to because it is all just part of who we are, what we do, how we live and most importantly, how we love and relate to one another. We are people in a relationship who openly and effectively communicate. If I need “down” time I might say something along the lines of I need a nap or whatever, give the information and he makes a decision based on the info given.
Oriented X4(Event)… Being his no matter the event. I was his when I packed everything I own and moved cross country. I am his when we have sexy fun. I am his when I’m doing the mundane such as laundry, commuting to work etc. The events of our day do not change whether I am his slave or whether he has authority over me. It merely changes what I happen to be doing at any given moment.
To me this is the distinction between fantasy and reality. It is why we thrive as a family. It is why the us works so well. Because we’re all Oriented X4 and have our feet planted firmly in reality, because we are one and always moving in the same direction.