In sharing here on our Misty Acres blog we have shared of not only our relationship, but of ourselves. We have shared fun times and struggles. Today our Kyra gave me permission to post this, to share with those out there who might need to hear they are not alone in this strange world. Thank you for your willingness to share such a personal story. I hope you know how proud we are of you and how much we love you.
As written by Kyra…
The recent suicides in the media have thoughts running through my head. I am not sure how many in my life realize that I struggled with my own demons many years ago. I tried to take my life twice.
The overwhelming thought in my head at that time was that everyone would be better off without me. Someone who has never struggled with Major Depressive Disorder cannot begin to appreciate how your mind and your thoughts betray you. Even now I do not recognize that person I was at the time.
I had fantastic friends and a great support system and still I just wanted to die. I was on a path to a successful and rewarding career and I just wanted to die. By sheer force of will I made it through. It took more courage and strength to live through those years than I have ever had to show again. To say people with mental illness are weak is to show how little you understand about the illness. Living with mental illness takes great courage and strength.
I am healthy now, but I know that I will always have to watch out for the illness to return. I am on medication and will be for the rest of my life. I go for regular “checkups” with a psychologist to make sure that I am healthy. I have partners who watch for the signs that I might be falling into bad thinking patterns and give me the kick in the ass I need to get back on track. I challenge my thinking to make sure it matches reality. I challenge my feelings to make sure they are based on facts.
The one thing I suck at is showing gentleness to those who are also dealing with mental illness. I am more a give the kick in the ass kind of person. Something to work on…. But to live is to grow and my mission is to be a better me.